“The appearance of these masks is creepy mainly because half side of the face has crying expressions while the other half is smiling, but even more crazy is the fact that mask has the power to absorb the negative aura or energy (anger, hatred, anguish) from the owner. After persuading the owner to wear the mask, Noh Mask then control and consume the negative aura until the owner begins to rot. Even creepier, Noh Mask switches the body once the owner is dead but it doesn’t leave the corpse behind. In fact, it sticks the old body onto the new body, which makes it the most dangerous legend as well.”
I had no idea what the hell that last sentence even meant, so I did some research. Why? Because I wanted to see what a new body looks like with old bodies stuck to it. Hmmm… Katamari Damacy maybe?
I found this: Noh would not just leave its previous body, but it would stick the old body to the new body. A very old and strong Noh appears like a pile of decomposing human body, with a creepy mask on top of the pile.
I was right. Sounds just like Katamari Damacy. Given my Rubenesque figure, I decided that I needed one of these masks to see what I would look like rolling around with a bunch of corpses stuck to me. Then I realized, after doing all this research, that I would be the first corpse and I would be stuck under all the rest. Kind of anti-climatic really. I decided to buy a pizza instead of a Noh Mask.
Had the lovely opportunity to visit the King of Prussia mall recently. As you know, it is the largest petri dish on the East Coast. Everywhere you walk some mouth breather is either coughing into the air or sneezing a fine mist of disease onto their fellow mall walkers. This place is like George Romero’s Dawn of the Dead, large hordes of vacuousmicrocephalics trudging slowly… The collective IQ when I was there was about 40 (present company excluded). Many strange farts I had to wade through to get from wherever the hell I was to wherever the hell I was going. One smelled like a taco, which made me realize why so many people had their mouths wide open (the taco fart actually filled some kind of void). The rest smelled like a mix between road kill, vomit, and oven cleaning.
Japanese Fart Battle
Hi-Lights:
GameStop on the first floor (second floor was pretty meh)
Some game store named after a dude that sold old ass Atari and Intellivision games
Fartium (this is a must read masterpiece which can be described as Brahms meets Picasso meets Tolstoy meets pretty much any man that loves to cultivate, share, and compare farts)
Note: This article was an excuse to write about farts simply because there is nothing more fun in this world than a good fart and some fine burritos.
After-Note: We will be covering farts a lot here at serious fix. You will find that we are very serious about our flatulence.
serious fix is back online and ready for all the usual nonsense and inanity you expect, plus more. Expect updates regularly and most chaotically as we tickle your eyeballs and torment your brain with that which only serious fix could ever dish out.
