serious fix

“Hang on, baby. Your heroe’s on his way.”

If Phantasy Star fucked Star Ocean and Final Fantasy took the baby from the womb, sprinkled a little FF DNA on the fetus, shoved it back inside and let the birth just happen … this is what you would get … FFXIII.

I bought this game so I could get in on the FFXIV beta. So far I have been on a track, have not been able to explore anything and love the corny dialogue. Yea, pretty much the dialogue, silly as shite as it is, is what I like best about this game. Keep in mind that I am only three hours into it. The graphics are pretty slick, but does not quite make up for the linear as hell game play.

At this point I am in an area that reminds me of the mother fuckin’ Winchester House. Normally I would find this cool, but you can’t really go anywhere but forward. Oh, at the beginning of each track, if you look behind you, you will find some floating ball thing that will give you Gil or items and shit. The music is not so great, but that could be because I am only a few hours into the game.

Gameplay, you axe? How’s the gameplay? I like it … but again from what I read that the further into the game you get the deeper it becomes. At this point the depth is pretty much set you characters in certain roles and button mash. Mash too slow and you will not get a good battle grade. But, I do like the gameplay better than the graphics. If more of the chick’s boobs in this game would sway and bounce I would say the graphics rule. And, sure, you get a peak at their panties … but they are just CG. They are not real. But I still would like to see a bit more bounce and sway to the polygonal tatas.

So far the game is fair. I hear from everyone that it gets a lot better and you can explore a bit more toward the end. I sure hope so.

MAG (Massive Action Game) on the PS3 rules. Let’s face it, if you like running around jumping up and down like an ass on MW2 and stabbing shite out of stuff and not really playing toward goals or objectives … this game is not for you. But if you like working with people to achieve victory then pick up this game.

People bitch about the graphics in this game, but I say “F” them. The graphics are fine. And since there are 256 players on the field at the same time causing massive damage and harm I say bless you to the Zipper Interactive for doing something that the other game developers should have been doing for a long time … creating a game that actually matters. A game that actually plays out like a war. None of this pussy fifteen minute frag fest shite. These matches can last up to 45 mintues; you play until you accomplish your mission or until you are defeated.

Basically you are either defending or attacking in this game. As you progress you go up in levels and earn points to purchase guns, scopes, etc. You stay with your squad and work on the same objectives. You get more EXP for kill when you are near your squad leader, this encourages team work and awesomeness.

You can also re-spec your toon so if you start off using all sniper and want to take back your points and put them into something else you can. I have not done this. I have bought back points I spent on stuff like assault as I did not need that in my build.

The one part I don’t understand is why people shoot their own team mates. There are times retards are shooting as they spawn and they knock me down to like 62 health. Then there are some dudes who like to just shoot their team mates until they are dead. I plan on being a dick and exposing these fools soon.

The game is a whole lotta fun. I realize that there are people who will not like this game. At this time there are only a few maps but they are huge. And even if you are playing this game and not liking it stick it out until you get a few of the 256 player games in. It’s insane and well worth the time.

A friend and I decided to start playing this very, very epic game of yesteryear: Everquest Online Adventures Frontiers

After finding my disc and ordering the Logitech keyboard controller I went to GameStop to buy a used PS2. Got it back to my house and hooked it up. After entering my credit card information about ten times I finally got on-line. Walked my existing Level 9 Necro Elf (I think) out of some necro zone and began traipsing up a hill to kill some stuff and my PS2 died. It will be returned first thing in the morning. By this time tomorrow night I plan on having my Level 9 up to about 15 … I am hoping. That is if the next used PS2 works. Talk about being bummed in the gob.

2009 has been a very good year for serious fix. Not only has it skyrocketed to the top of the Internet, it saw China and Canada take away it’s serious fix ban which added several million new fans to the Site. Please join me now at taking a look back at what helped make 2009 such a great year for serious fix.

1. Into the Woods @ PA Playhouse – Was it the well written article or all the breast talk that shot the hit count for this article way out of the ball park (get it?)? Who cares? This was the most read article on serious fix and one of the most read articles in China.

2. Couples Retreat – I think it was the perverted masseuse that helped pump this articles hit count to second place.

3. Pandorum… – Could it have been the author’s obvious obsession with dick jokes that set this one on the climb? A solid third place on this.

4. H1N1 – The Ugly Swine Flu – We were so concerned about the Swine Fly (aka Hamthrax) that we had one of our field reporters in CA contract it so she would write about it. She is still alive. Fourth place.

5. H1N1 Vaccine Insert [Read This!] – We believe in warning you about the poisons your leaders agree to dump into you. That is why this article took a hefty fifth place. Because we care.